(This story is the prelude of “what makes a good life”…you
will see what these things are in the articles to follow). Considering my age,
my experience, and how many relationships I’ve had, I am very fortunate that
this is the first time in my life I’ve felt heartbreak. Some of you might be hating on me right now,
but just hear me out. Yes, I have felt heartache
after my previous relationships ended…..but…..well, I’ve never been the one
to receive the break-up.
However…..I expect receiving the bad news in a mature and
decent manner is one thing….but experiencing what I experienced….was quite
another. I thought I had some serious
feelings for this person….our history is a little long and complicated, but now
is not the time for that. Through this dealing process I now know that I didn’t
have serious feelings for him…but serious infatuation. Lust. So I will refer to
him as so.
Lust and I had this interesting and very casual
long-distance thing going for quite some time. And finally, through an
internship, we would be living in the same city for the first time in our
“relationship.” Fantastic.
When Lust arrived in Madrid, he proposed the idea of only
seeing eachother. Really? I was stunned. But I was ecstatic. So…in 3 weeks we
were together a lot. It was pretty spectacular. And it also got “real” pretty
quickly…..and I saw some red flags….but hey, Lust wants to finally do this, so
it’s okay….I convinced myself the red flags were more of a light pink….
Lust and I spent an awesome weekend together
scubadiving…well I was getting certified, and he was already certified. We also
had our first fight that weekend. Nothing big…frankly I was scared shitless of
this scubadiving thing, and the day of my test….well I needed some comfort. I’m
a strong chick, but I’m a chick…and sometimes we need to be comforted damnit.
Well Lust just slept and didn’t do anything. So I got pissed and stormed out of
the hotel room. We talked about it later
that evening like adults….and everything was good.
Well 2 days after that Lust felt we shouldn’t see eachother
anymore. I thought I was meeting him at
a café to talk about things he’s had on his mind. I was not at all expecting
this. For real? I would have thought that when somebody is about to dump you,
you are kind of expecting it. Yes, the news probably stops your breath for a
moment, but deep down I would imagine most people know it’s coming. I had no
idea. We had a lot of plans for the summer. Not to mention, the master plan was
to gives “us” the summer….to finally see where this could go…and then figure
out what we were going to do in the fall once the long-distance became a factor
again.
So not only did I get dumped completely unexpectedly…..as he
knew it too, because as soon as he said “I don’t think we should see eachother
anymore” he said “I know this may seem like it’s coming out of left field…” Um….yes…..yes
it does….. he also threw in a bunch of shocking accusations, then the cruelty.
Who was this stranger in front of me?
I was stunned. I got up and left….before I started
yelling….or crying….or puking. Who knew what could happen, so I left. And I walked
around Madrid for about 2 hours. Everything looked different. Everything felt
different. I felt completely lost.
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